Friday, September 11, 2020

8 Bad Habits a Classy Woman Always Avoids

While there are many bad habits that a classy woman should be mindful to avoid, there are a few that stand out among the others, 8 to be exact, that separate the women from the classy ladies. I'm sharing what they are, along with why and how we should abstain from doing them.

8 Bad Habits a Classy Woman Should Avoid

1. Tardiness and Canceling Last Minute- I listed this first for a reason. If you do everything else in a way you're proud of but cannot respect others' time, you will have earned yourself the reputation of always arriving late. Not only is showing up tardy to an event or an appointment completely disrespectful, but it can also be incredibly disruptive, and can at times create an inconvenience logistically. Cancelling at the last minute, otherwise known as "bailing" is probably one of the worst offenders. I have attending weddings and beautiful high-end birthday parties where couples or individuals have decided very last minute (sometimes an hour before!) that they would not be attending, to the dismay and cost of the event's host who has paid for their plates or catering ahead of time. 

If you absolutely need to due to an unforeseen emergency, be sure to compensate the host for the cost with either a check or a more extravagant-than-usual gift as an apology. If you had a personal training session, dental appointment or spa visit on your calendar, canceling last minute doesn't allow the service provider time to earn back the revenue that they have now lost due to the cancellation, it affects a company or individual's bottom line and income. The right thing to do for prepaid lessons, is allow that session to essentially be a "paid" session even when you are a no show (after calling to state that you won't be able to make it) or offer to pay the provider for their time in the amount of the class/session. There is a reason why hair salons typically take a credit card to hold on file and will charge you 50-100% of the service you would have received.

2. Fidgeting- A classy woman is comfortable in her own skin and the style of clothing she chooses for herself, so she doesn't feel out of her element. Biting one's nails, picking the skin around your nails, cracking knuckles, making neck adjustments, pulling at your clothing, constantly straightening your outfit or needing to tuck it in are all distractions that fall under the category of fidgeting. A confident and refined lady does not fidget, she doesn't come across nervous or anxious. She's not constantly twirling her hair, re-applying lipstick or gloss. This comes across as immature and lacks self awareness. 

Do you remember the scene in the movie Pretty Woman where Edward tells Vivian on what I believe was their 2nd date "You look very beautiful and very tall when you're not fidgeting." Our beauty and essence as a woman are able to be appreciated when we're not constantly moving around and unable to sit still. Make sure that you're comfortable with your hairstyle, makeup and your outfit and footwear choice before leaving the house. When bracelets are clanging together on your arm, you're constantly re-adjusting your pantyhose that are one size too small or when you choose a new dress that isn't your style or heels that are too high which you don't feel comfortable in, it becomes apparent to everyone around you. This may involve you practicing in a higher pair of heels or a new style of dress at home. My article on 'How to Walk in High Heels' may be helpful. Spend the day wearing a new outfit, pair of shoes, hairstyle, etc., at home and consider it safe testing grounds so you know that a chignon or bun typically falls out after a few hours because you have thick hair or it was just washed and is too soft. Perhaps your new strapless bra tends to slide down after 10 minutes and you constantly have to readjust it, now you know to buy or wear a different one instead so you can move freely. 

3. Interrupting Others- I'm forever reminding my seven year old daughter not to interrupt mommy and daddy while we're talking (or anyone else she's with!) and to also raise her hand on zoom calls when she has a question for her teacher. That said, there are many adults whose impatience takes over who could benefit from this reminder (myself included at times). The more familiar we are with others, the more likely we are to interrupt so this is very common among couples, families and close friends. In order to make others feel both comfortable as well as valued and important in our presence, we need to put our own questions and ideas aside, and let them finish a thought or story. 

Sometimes I personally get so excited that I can't help but interject with a question I'm dying to know the answer to or I'll jump in and try to finish my sweetie's sentence. We are all a work in progress, this is an area that I'm working to personally become better at. When we do this we're also no longer in our feminine energy. It comes across as rude and tells the other person that what they have to share doesn't matter as much as what we have to say. None of us are perfect, but this is really important to master even if it means having to physically bite your own tongue to keep yourself in check! 

4. Using Foul Language- The language we use is a reflection of our character. Cursing is definitely not ladylike and should be avoided at all costs. In our modern world it may seem as though it's acceptable to let it all hang out and that swearing is not a big deal. I once saw a t-shirt that read "Classy but I cuss a little". I saw another that read " I'm an intelligent, classy, well educated woman that says "F" a lot". Let me start off by saying that for someone who is intelligent and well educated, one should have a much broader vocabulary and hopefully an equal sense of self-control. This immediately lowers your value in the presence of others, is inappropriate and makes others feel uncomfortable, especially those who aren't used to hearing it. If you have children, they are likely to repeat you and start speaking in the same manner. 

5. Excessive Smartphone Checking- Have you ever been in the company of someone whose eyes were glued to their phone's screen? I have personally experienced this and it makes you feel unimportant and it's incredibly rude. Smart phones, just like social media, have become black holes, they offer many benefits but are also one of the most common forms of distraction and can ultimately be time wasters. To be a feminine woman is to be present in the moment without constantly checking for the latest text message from your friends and the man you're dating, or waiting for an email from your boss. One way to remedy this is to turn off notifications (even if just temporarily). Using the 'do not disturb' feature during meetings, appointments and gatherings is an easy fix to keep you focused. However, it is our mindset that ultimately needs to shift if we want to be elegant ladies who truly aim to live in the moment leading with our best foot forward.

6. Slouching- It's been said that first impressions are everything, because sometimes we just don't get that second chance to show who we really are. That said, if you're working in an office slumped over your keyboard, you will not come across as the confident, healthy, strong and capable potential candidate for a promotion. Likewise, this is also unattractive to a potential partner as our body is not in it's elegant, ladylike form of elongation, and instead is hunched. Over time, if not corrected, slouching will erode your spinal health and can cause a permanent curvature of the spine. Practice improving your posture by sitting up straight daily (placing a mirror on your desk or a large mirror on the wall in front of your desk will cause you to take notice) along with either twice daily stretching and/or yoga to both stretch and strengthen your core muscles. Strengthening exercises can improve slouching along with other tools such as a posture corrector which can be worn under clothing inconspicuously and gently reminds you to pull your shoulders up and back. Doing this daily over time will encourage a straighter spine.

7. Being Too Loud-An elegant lady is never the loudest in the room, in fact she is the farthest thing from boisterous. Unless she is delivering a speech with a microphone in hand to amplify her message or alerting someone to immediate danger, her voice should remain at a moderate tone. Others will lean in just to listen to what she has to say and her tone is deliberate. This level of awareness also applies to the way that she plays music and listens to videos or TV and movies. She doesn't aim to blare her favorite artist at the highest possible decibel level, she is mindful of her neighbors and family members or even perfect strangers that may be within distance. A quiet woman is mysterious, she doesn't beg for attention nor make her entrance into a room an announcement. She arrives in style, on time and without a lot of fanfare. 

8. Talking too Much- Similar to being too loud, talking too much can come across as overbearing. A lady speaks when she has something important to say or ask. She doesn't ramble on incessantly about everything. She may on occasion get carried away with a topic she's passionate about, however she is mindful to gauge the interest level of others in her presence and also ensures that everyone has time to speak, so she isn't monopolizing the conversation with endless chatter. She knows that the focus should be on the host and other guests and asking questions is a surefire way that she will not be doing all the talking. Often times, women who lack confidence or who are insecure will keep talking as a way to alleviate nervousness or anxiety in groups, especially while in the company of strangers. This often leads to oversharing personal information or just talking for the sake of it to avoid a pause in conversation or the fear of being asked questions they don't wish to answer. The best approach is to ask others a question about themselves first such as how they know the host, something light and that everyone would be interested in learning. Be curious and interested in others and they will do the same. Keep your replies short and sweet without being curt. If you're asked more questions, do answer them but try not to turn it into a conversation about yourself. Talking too much and being too loud often go hand in hand.

If you know of any other specific 'bad habits' that should be on this list, I'd love to hear them! You can leave your feedback in the comments below or in our Facebook community.

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