Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Confidence is Classy

I swore I wouldn't let myself get sucked into this season of the Bachelor.... and then it happened. Anyone else with me?  I'm always fascinated to observe how each of the women not only act around the Bachelor himself but also towards the other women in the house. Even more interesting is to see their reaction at the end of the show as they exit,  if they are not chosen.

The one glaring observation is that, sadly, several of the women lack self-confidence. Whenever I've watched the show in the past, my favorite ladies were always those who were so confident (but not over bearing), and regardless of how other women revealed the intimate details of their date or flaunted themselves in front of the guy, they knew not only who they were but also what they had with him, and were secure within it.
They didn't need to tell all the ladies how confident they were about their relationship with the bachelor only to later chase the guy around and ask him endless questions to feel secure about their relationship or sabotage his time with another girl to steal the spotlight. They weren't frantically asking the other women what they thought or recalling every last detail of everything he's ever said all in an effort to decode it and decide what it could mean for their future.  These same women are usually the ones that speak poorly of the Bachelor and the other women if they are sent home or whine about how they are always rejected in life and how they don't know if they'll ever find love.

On the contrary, the confident women choose to make the most of their time-both with the bachelor in question as well as with the other women, often goofing off and having fun along the way. They see it as an opportunity to not only meet the man of their dreams but to also get to know some of the other ladies and enjoy what each new day brings in terms of dates and activities. They also generally choose not to kiss and tell. All the while, they smile and keep a positive attitude even when they aren't sure what the future will bring for them or if they'll even get the next rose.

The truth is that men don't enjoy the company of women who lack confidence. They don't want to spend all their time reassuring someone of their feelings or what they have together, that can be exhausting. They don't want to be an emotional crutch, they want to be your equal. They want to enjoy the ride and see where things will lead. Likewise, friends; employers, colleagues and family members also like to be around someone who is happy and expects the best out of life, no matter what their current circumstances are.

Whether you're interviewing for a job, going on your first date with someone new or simply attending a party, it's important to remember that confidence is elegant and powerful. Whether you realize it or not, your own confidence actually puts other people at ease and make them feel comfortable around you. Good posture and a big smile can go a long way even when you are feeling less confident on the inside than ever. We've all experienced situations that make us feel a little weak, but it's in those moments that we need to pull ourselves together and give it all we've got, it's not the time to fall to pieces. As they say, never let them see you sweat.

I can remember a few interviews where I was one of five or six people for a coveted Sales Executive position and almost every time I was the only female there. It was nerve wracking not knowing how things would go but the very fact that I was the only woman in the lobby gave me even greater confidence to draw upon. At the end of the day all I could do was go into the situation being myself, presenting myself in a confident and professional manner with a firm handshake and a warm smile.

Sometimes we win and sometimes it's just not meant to be but that's not an indication that we are a failure or we were 'rejected'. It just means that something else, maybe something even better is waiting around the corner. A missed opportunity can actually be a blessing sometimes. If I had married the first guy I dated seriously, I would have missed out on the fantastic husband I have today, who is perfect for me. When you're given an opportunity, spend a few mintues and think about how you got there to begin with, not how things didn't play out in your favor. It's also wise to dig deep and see what you've learned about yourself from the experience.

It's also good to get into the habit of asking yourself this question:

"What's the worst thing that could happen?"

If your relationship doesn't work out with a person you've spent years with, you don't get the dream job you've been hoping for or you don't get into the prestigious school you've worked so hard to apply to, your life is not over. It may feel that way for a little while, but it truly is not.  I think when we play out those scenarios and try to visualize what the end result could be and recognize that it's actually not the end of the world if it doesn't go according to plan, confidence can shine through.

While some naturally posses more of it than others, it is something that everyone must work on. Sometimes confidence will also come as a result of knowledge. Let's face it, there are some situations where if you aren't prepared, you just won't feel ready and it will show. So, it's also wise to invest in yourself so you can be your personal best.

What times in your life did you need to dig deep and draw upon confidence to get through something challenging?


*images: (1), (2), (3)


  1. Great article Karla
    I try to live with the motto "everything happens for a reason", and that in itself gives me the confidence to push on through when I have a result I may not have wanted or hoped for. It also fills me with confidence to "let go, and let God!"

  2. Karla, YES! Confidence is everything isn't it!!!
    Have a pretty day!

  3. Teaching our children to have confidence is one very important lesson. I'm not sure that my parents did a good job with this as they usually pointed out what I could do better and not what I was doing well.

    BTW, you don't want to get me started with the whole concept of The Bachelor! hehe. I find it hard to believe that any confident, self-respecting woman would find it acceptable to "compete" with so many other women for the attention of a man. I like to see women supporting one another and raising each other up, not bringing each other down to satisfy their own agenda.

  4. This is such a great post and is in perfect time for my current moody state. I need to read this again and take a few notes because i can certainly do with a boost to my confidence

    xoxo Hermine

  5. I'm sucked into the bachelor too! lovin this post!

  6. ummm... LOVE IT. The reason my husband wanted to get to know me (and the reason he fell in love with me) is that I am completely confident in who I am. I'm not petite, I'm not a model, I'm not brilliant or insightful, and I certainly love trashy TV like the Bachelor, but I figure I might as well own the qualities I do have. Nothing is sexier than a woman with confidence.


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