Manners Monday: Holding Doors Open for Others

Happy Monday! Did everyone have a nice Father's Day weekend? As I mentioned here my father and I live on opposite coasts so I sent him a package early last week and we made a point of catching up twice last week via Skype so that was our visit time. :)

As promised, I'm beginning our week with a Manners Monday post. Given several run-ins I've had over the past few weeks, I thought it was about time I did a little post about the importance of holding the door for others. We began the conversation in The Classy Woman Facebook community and I decided to bring this topic to the blog. (If you haven't joined yet, be sure to like my page as I post there daily and join the conversation!)

How you treat others says a lot about you as a person. Everybody appreciates a polite act like having the door held open for them. This act of kindness is not just reserved for men. It is important that everyone know how to hold a door for another, whether they are carrying heavy bags or just passing through empty handed. Once we have mastered it, we must teach it to our children that they might lead the future generation by example.

 5 Tips on How to Properly Hold a Door for Others


1. Who to Hold a Door For- Hold the door for everyone, whenever the occasion arises. Some reserve this polite gesture only for the elderly,  a mother with a stroller/small children or in the case of men they hold they door open for ladies and not gents. Regardless of a person's age or sex it is proper and thoughtful to hold the door for someone else.

2. How Long to Wait for Someone Walking?- Generally speaking, when walking up to a door with someone behind you or coming from the other side of the door, the time spent holding the door is extremely minimal so it is one of the easiest and most thoughtful things we can do for another. Sometimes we'll notice an elderly person several 20 feet away and feel compelled to hold the door for them. Do remember that in your waiting for them, it sometimes makes someone feel as though they now must speed up to get there instead of just keep on at the pace they are comfortable with, use discretion so one doesn't view your efforts as a nuisance more than a blessing.

3. Make Door Opening Less Awkward-Sometimes we are met with someone who holds the door for us by extending their arm to push the door open as we are to squeeze past them. This type of door holding while thoughtful can be awkward. The best way to hold a door for someone upon meeting the door first is to pull it towards you and stand to the side and let the other person/people through then follow them after they have walked through. If you happen upon a door that opens away from you, walk through it and stand to the side out of the way as others walk through then let the door go once everyone has walked through.

4. Do it With a Smile- I think many times people go about things in a mannerly fashion as if it is expected of them (if they were raised that way) but it appears there is no joy in it. I think it is so important to do things with a smile whether thanking a cashier and wishing her a nice day, saying good morning or holding the door for someone. The classy woman is warm and desires to improve another person's day. She does not view manners as tedious tasks that she endures so that she won't be looked upon as rude. Rather, she regards manners as kindness granted to another just because they too are human and deserve to be treated as such.

5. Don't Expect a Thank You- I say this because if you don't expect it, you won't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. While it is nice and often rewarding to hear the words "thank you" when we have taken the time to do something nice for others, our efforts and manners are their own reward. Personally speaking, I have sometimes felt annoyed after having held a door for someone who was struggling with a stroller or heavy packages and didn't receive so much as a nod or a smile. I'm sure you can relate. I've learned that there are always going to be people that disregard polite gestures or don't respond the way you might have hoped or. Don't let it get you down!

For some who practice good manners and are not met with a thank you, it can be enough to think why bother and forget making the polite gestures altogether. But if your true motives for doing the good deed are pure and joy is in your heart to truly assist another then your reasons should outweigh any rude folks you come across. Besides, the world needs more people like you to carry on and lead by positive example in a time when basic manners seem to be at an all time low.

Have a great week ladies! Pssst....I have an awesome this week that I'm really excited about and you do not want to miss! Be sure to check in again soon. :)



*images: (1), (2)

Reader Request: What's Mine is His?

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A few weeks ago, the Manners Monday series was focused on Table Etiquette and Manners as it pertains to dining in, dining out, and the sometimes uncomfortable interview over lunch.

After one particular post on table etiquette not only did I receive a few comments and some e-mails from all of you about the topic of 'food stealers' and sharing food, I also received a reader request in my inbox. I've been asked to keep her name anonymous. Our e-mail conversation is below:

Hi Karla,


At casual family dinners, my husband thinks it is okay to reach out and grab a piece of my food from my plate before he asks, and he does so with his fingers. I don't mind him having the food, but I think it is very rude to "pick" food from a person's plate then asking if it is okay that they have it after the fact.

I think if someone wants to try a portion of food from another's plate they should ask permission (even if it is a spouse) and then use a utensil, not their hands. My husband says I'm selfish and snooty for being that way. I say that is not the case. What do you think?

~Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

Thanks for writing in! :) A few of my readers mentioned in the comments section that their husbands do the same thing, so you are not alone. You are completely correct for feeling that it's rude of him to have taken food from your plate without asking first, especially with his fingers. This is definitely poor manners.

If something is on our own plate it belongs to us, if it is on another person's plate, it belongs to them. Whether in a high end restaurant or in McDonald's, good manners always require asking first, even if it's only ONE french fry off of their plate. Close family members aren't exempt from the need to ask, in fact it is by asking first that we show our respect for one another and simultaneously teach our children what is considered polite, as they mimic the behavior they see.

When the other person agrees to share, you should typically let them portion out what they want to give you on a separate small plate or in a casual setting, transfer the food to your plate with their utensil. If they invite you to take what you like, be sure to use utensils, not fingers.

You are not being snooty or selfish in any way at all. In fact, I find it humorous how many times classy women and those that are polite get labeled as snooty. I received a reader request several  months ago on that very topic which you might be interested to read, it's titled 'Classy or Snooty?.

She then replied:

Dear Karla,


I very much appreciate you responding to my question about table manners and reaffirming my belief about what is considered "proper". Thank You! It really helps to hear another person's perspective on a topic that is still important in today's society, but many have become complacent about. You have been so helpful!


Thanks Again!


Sincerely,
~Anonymous 

Do you have family or friends that feel it's okay to steal your food or pick from your plate? How do you handle it? I'd love to hear from you!

I hope you all are having a fabulous weekend!

Restaurant Tipping Etiquette

Have you ever wondered what etiquette calls for when it comes to tipping? There are so many types of services that require a tip, but today's focus is on dining out.

For many that have been servers at a previous time in life or even still are today, your opinion is probably pretty cut and dry on this matter. Several years ago I worked at an upscale steakhouse part time for a few months and got to learn the ropes of the restaurant business and also see how servers view restaurant diners'. I also got to see how servers were often treated by customers as well.

After that experience I have a whole new appreciation for servers and what their job entails. I was also on the receiving end of poor tipping even when I had gone above and beyond to provide the best possible service. This is a result of those that do not understand tipping etiquette. On the flip side, I can recall some pretty amazing tips too, but those were few and far between. Because of my experiences I personally err on the side of over-tipping vs. under-tipping. Having said that, if someone has done a very poor job and has been rude and unhelpful in solving a dining dilemma, that is also reflected in their tip.

Here are some helpful guidelines to follow so that you won't insult your server- or worse- embarrass a group of friends you may be dining with while splitting the bill.

Tipping Etiquette for Dining Out

1. Tipping is NOT optional. It is expected at restaurants as servers, chefs, bus boys, hostesses, etc., will all be receiving a small share of the server's tip. Servers earn most of their money via tips, not in wages. The hourly rate for servers is very low and is usually under minimum wage. This is a server's incentive to provide the best service possible. The bottom line here is, if you cannot afford to pay the tip after your meal, you should not be dining at that restaurant in the first place. Select a suitable establishment that is more in line with your budget. Many restaurants post their menus online, so it's easy to choose one that will be perfect for you.

2. Be Gracious with Gratuities-In North America, the tipping standard for a good restaurant is between 15-20% with 20% or more showing your gratitude for outstanding service and an overall wonderful dining experience. This amount is based on your meal's total before tax and any coupons or discounts are taken off. Other countries operate very differently and some view tipping as an insult. Before traveling abroad it is important to understand International Etiquette with a special focus on tipping practices.

3. Automatic Gratuities- If you are dining with a party of more than 8 people, you will probably be subject to an automatic gratuity of about 18%. Large parties require more assistance and typically dine longer in a restaurant. These gratuities are added to make the server's and restaurant's life much easier. Be sure not to tip on top of the automatic gratuity, which is easy to do if you are caught up in laughter, great conversation or have had a couple glasses of wine. High end restaurants often use the automatic gratuity method for all tables, so again be sure to check for that so you don't overtip. You will always be welcome to tip on top of the automatic gratuity should you so choose.

4. Handling Poor Service- If your server has been rude, unattentive or has made several errors with your order, you'll want to bring those matters to the attention of the restaurant manager. Many times they will be able to assist you or compensate you in ways that your server may not. If it is something like an undercooked steak, your server should be able to take care of this. This doesn't necessarily warrant a lesser tip. After all, the server cannot control how the chef has created your meal. Perhaps they are unattentive because the restaurant is unusually busy. Try to see it from their point of view. If there is no apology or attempt to make your dining experience enjoyable, you may then want to reflect that in the tip you leave.

If a manager has taken care of an issue with your meal and deducted it from your bill, be sure to tip on the total amount of what your meal was worth and not the lesser amount. Remember you are tipping on the service and experience and not the discounted total. The same goes for birthday cake that was provided 'on the house', etc.

5. From Lounge to Table- Perhaps you've started at the restaurant's lounge or bar area before heading to your table, be sure to leave the bartender a tip before leaving for your table. Many people want to have it added to their dining bill, but this gets sticky as the bartender usually gets left without their tip. A server may forget later to give the bartender a kickback and may not know how much to give them as this is your job as the dining patron.

If you're dining with a group and you don't want to be responsible for anyone underpaying or under-tipping, simply ask for a separate bill. Often times if a large group orders family style or shares appetizers you may wind up forking over a lot of money for a dish that you had a small taste of while others finished the whole plate.

A girlfriend of mine just recounted the most awkward scenario involving a group of close friends at a restaurant. It resulted in her spending a lot more money than she had intended all while she was trying to adhere to her tight budget.

For similar posts, type 'etiquette' in the search bar at the top of this page.

Have you been a server before? What are your tipping experiences or opinions?

Happy Dining!

Modern Manners and Everyday Etiquette

When I created the readers' poll in September, I wanted to get your feedback so I could tailor the posts for you, the reader. We've only had 6 responses so far but the most requested topic by far for future posts is Manners and Etiquette.

If you haven't voted yet, please do! You can find it about halfway down the page on the left hand side.

These past few weeks have been busy and I've been doing some traveling out of state which will be followed by a visit from one of my girlfriends later this week. I've been able to keep this blog updated by using the scheduling feature. If you haven't tried it, it really is a helpful tool when on vacation or during busy holiday times too. When you post, instead of selecting automatic posts, choose a scheduled date and time under 'Post Options' and the scheduler will do the rest after you hit the 'publish post' button.

Once I'm back on my regular schedule you'll see many new posts on various topics but I will be sure to make etiquette of particular focus.

Do you have questions about manners and etiquette? Did you find yourself in a particular scenario where you were unsure what the proper etiquette was or do you have a general question pertaining to this topic? Leave a comment and I'll write you back in the comments section where others can feel free to leave their personal experiences or advice should they so choose. I want this blog to be interactive so that you can get the most out of it. Should your question be of a private nature, you can email me by clicking on the envelope in the left margin.

I look forward to reading your comments and questions!