Modesty is Classy

While there are many characteristics that a classy woman embodies, I think we all can agree that being modest is one of them. Nobody likes a braggart or someone who parades around flaunting what they have from their killer legs to their 7 figure bank account balance. There is absolutely nothing wrong with working hard and ultimately obtaining financial success or in putting in numerous hours at the gym to create a beautiful physique and enjoying the rewards of both. It's when we intentionally flash it in another person's face that it becomes distasteful, off-putting and downright obnoxious at times. Having said that, even if we're not deliberately parading around, it's still important to always be aware and err on the conservative side.

I was recently watching a reality TV show that follows the lives of a few ladies and although I'm not usually a huge fan of what I refer to as mindless television (easy watching at the end of a long day that doesn't require critical thinking or anything too heavy), I still get a laugh and find elements from such shows that inspire my writing. These supposed successful ladies all vary in their backgrounds but they have one thing in common: wealth, an affluent lifestyle and they all happen to live in the same city. I watched as one woman felt the need to constantly remind everyone around her about her past career titles, accomplishments and in an effort to make herself relevant today (which actually just revealed her insecurities), she would not stop repeating herself and talking about her current business ventures and the company to which she is building, much to the dismay of those around her who have heard it all one too many times. To make matters worse, she is a name dropper. Aside from this thought, she actually seems like a fun, outgoing woman and kind friend so it's rather unfortunate that this lack of humility has tarnished her reputation and negatively impacts how others regard her.

There is a certain confidence that every classy woman possesses which allows her to be content with modesty and be herself so there is no need to show off or try to get the attention of others, especially men . Does she feel 100% self-assured in every single situation in life? Of course not. We all have fears, doubts and sometimes nerves that get the best of us, she is aware of her areas for improvement as well as her limitations. How we choose to channel those emotions and project them into the world though makes a big difference in how we are perceived. More than just perception, we want to truly live a life of authenticity and contentment both on the inside as well as the outside. What sense is there in appearing confident to others when you are in fact a self-sabotaging, self-ridiculing, person who doesn't like herself and lacks true confidence an inner peace? In my last post, I wrote on How to Love Yourself. This is key in becoming a confident woman and only when were are first confident in who we are can we truly be modest and humble. There is no need to boast to seek approval from those around us.

For me, there is nothing more attractive than when someone is completely authentic and just at ease. I love meeting someone and learning a bit about them but never once hearing the aforementioned bragging of their life in any way and then later on in time I learn a lot of really neat facts that are so share-worthy but to them it's not necessary because they are centered within themselves and don't need others to validate who they are by what they possess. We have neighbors down the street (an older, retired couple) whom I found out a couple years ago are millionaires. I never would have guessed in a hundred years. It wasn't until my husband befriended them (seeing them while he was outside reading or doing a bit of yard work and they would walk their dog daily and pass our house) and eventually they got talking about life and business also, that's when he learned about what businesses they were involved in and more about their family life, etc. They live in a modest home, drive average cars, don't dress in fancy clothing and are the sweetest couple-totally relatable. Women who are humble make others around them feel comfortable, which at the end of the day is what good manners are all about.

If you're looking for ways to dress more modestly yet stylish, you can take a peek at my last few fashion posts. See some great pieces and looks here, here, here and here.

In what ways do you make an effort to live a more modest life?

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A Classy Woman Does Whatever it Takes

Over the past few years I've observed the various responses to the economic downturn and I've noticed two types of people. There are those who, although they struggle financially, choose to let their pride win and their bank account lose. They refuse to take certain jobs feeling as though it might be beneath them or fear what others may think of them, perhaps believing that they might be judged or become humiliated by those they know. On the flip side I feel fortunate to have witnessed several wonderful accounts of so many others who were blindsided by a job loss, medical bills or other reasons and decided to take action. They set pride aside and vowed to do 'whatever it takes'.  Those are the people I truly respect and applaud.

One of these people is my own mother. My parents separated when I was four and although they later got back together when I was nine years old, for five years my mom set an important and inspiring example. She worked so hard for everything she had and I remember her working as a medical secretary by day and later moonlighting as a Tupperware consultant so she could own the townhouse we lived in during those years (that she later turned a large profit on) as well as support both of us. Those times were tough but with the little we had, she made it fun. She was determined to do whatever it took to not only be a great provider but mother too. I never remember doing without. I recall lots of coloring sessions at the dining room table, playing makeup artist with her as my subject and hours at our favorite parks being pushed on the swings.  She had dreams for herself that she wouldn't give up. I remember how she saved for a beautiful coat for months putting it on layaway and how proud she was of herself when she finally got to bring it home. I still have photos of her in that coat and she looked like a princess.

Today I find myself in a similar situation as an entrepreneur. It's a tricky thing to balance and after four years of running my design business and enduring the tough economic times, I realized that my income from it was becoming more and more unpredictable so I began looking for full time work elsewhere, knowing that I could still do some design very part time in the evenings and on weekends, mostly e-Design services. It was a difficult but necessary decision. With my hubby currently enrolled at NYU going into his second year of his Masters program and student loans adding up quickly, there wasn't really any other option if we wanted to stay afloat. I've become so accustomed to working for myself that the idea of working for someone else again was one that I can honestly say I wasn't thrilled about at first, but I did like the idea of more steady income and health benefits even though I haven't needed any while living here so far, thankfully.

This shift actually began last year when I decided to pick up some part time work to put some extra money into our trip account and into savings, I worked at Target for 13 months and remember how silly I sometimes felt when I bumped into acquaintances who probably wondered why on earth I was working in the store instead of shopping for my clients there. The experience helped to further humble me. There were some pretty uncomfortable moments but I pushed through and kept my eye on the prize. One being a lovely Christmas cruise and airfare that I saved up for by working there.

I was job hunting for a couple months and have now been working for a well known rental car agency for the past 6 weeks, immersed in training and exercising my sales experience and skills to earn as much commission as I can and become one of their top Reps. The hours have been irregular as I work at a location which is open 24 hours and is also the reason why I haven't been blogging much lately. I'm adjusting to a new schedule every week and was trying to fit in time with my hubby while he was here for the summer before returning to school. Thankfully my hard work is paying off, yesterday management informed me that of the many new reps they hired when I joined, that I'm currently their top sales rep. It was both a relief and an encouragement as I'm still within my 90 day term. I never saw myself working at this company or in this particular role but whatever opportunities come my way I'm committed to giving them my all. After much prayer it was revealed to me that this opportunity is also meant to provide an increased level of discipline in my life after working for myself, so I'm embracing it all wholeheartedly.

An interesting exchange took place last year when I shared with a new acquaintance who at the time was unemployed, that Target was still hiring. She responded with, "I don't think that's for me. I can make more on unemployment". And so she did for nearly a year. I was shocked and a bit saddened by her response.  I didn't mind that she wasn't interested in the opportunities there, rather it was her attitude. It's funny, because over a year later I find myself unable to relate to her and the way she approaches life. I still see her from time to time but I believe it's important to be mindful of who we surround ourselves with as it contributes to our own mindset and success. I prefer positive people that have goals and aren't afraid to work for them, after all some opportunities just serve a purpose for a season, and not a life-long mission.

When most people look at celebrities, especially actors and actresses, they usually see their current career triumphs, wealth, gorgeous attire, a beautiful home and much of what they can afford today sometimes wishing they could enjoy a life like that. One thing I've always enjoyed is biographies which document the journey of what got each successful business person or 'star' to where they are today. It's fascinating to read about their ideas, their failures, bold moves and accounts of how some actors have slept on the floor of a close friend and worked as a server for years just to pay their bills, making time for auditions to pursue their calling and passion. Most are successful not because they were instant hits, had the perfect connections or as a result of who their parents are, it's because of THEIR dedication and willingness to do whatever was necessary to realize their dreams. That to me is just one aspect of a classy woman. It shows great humility, courage, strength and determination to go outside of your comfort zone to make things happen.

Next time you see a server at a restaurant, or a cashier at your local grocery store it may not be her full time job but rather a means to pay her way through University to get that MBA she's been working so hard for or the initial investment to begin her own business.

One of my favorite books is titled 'Unstoppable: 45 Powerful Stories of Perseverance and Triumph from People Just Like You' which is filled with courageous and inspiring accounts. It will give you hope, confidence and an extra boost to defy the odds and get what you want out of life, I highly recommend it, it's a book you can keep for years and read over and over again!

Now I'd love to hear YOUR inspiring stories! What choices and sacrifices did you make in order to get to where you are today, support your family or to have something you had always dreamed of?



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Appreciating What You Have

A few months ago I stumbled across a quote by Epicurus (below) that I had never heard before and I just love it! We live in a world where we worry about the next day or deadline, think about the next holiday, plan for the next home we wish to own, save up for the next car we can't wait to drive but if we stop for a moment we will realize that much of what we currently have is what we once longed for. Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in the bigger, better, faster, now kind of mentality. Like a child with a shiny new toy, sometimes we push aside the worn and familiar forgetting about its beauty and relevance in our lives as we give a new item all of our focus. If you've been reading this blog for a while, you may remember this post I wrote last year where I shared how I once struggled to love and truly appreciate our current, 50-yr old home and how I came around to actually enjoy it.          

I am a big dreamer and I love vision boards as a tool to draw myself towards that of which I hope to achieve, experience or own but there is something so humble and grateful about appreciating what you have and reflecting back on what it took to obtain those things and asking yourself if the things you are lusting after are really a true need in your life or just a passing 'want'.

One of the first things that comes to mind is our car. Sure, I'd love to have the newer model of the car we currently own but I love her story, we sacrificed for her. In the summer of 2008 my hubby was hit by a drunk driver and it totalled our car (thankfully he was alright!) and as a result we had to replace the one and only car that we share. We drove rentals for months as we tried to not rush in and buy just anything. We fell in love with the Hyundai Sonata and focused on finding one in our area.

We finally decided upon one that was in mint condition, the color we wanted, had all the features we desired and was the right price. We worked hard to get her though. We scrimped and saved and made payments of nearly hubby's entire teaching paycheck per month plus a down payment to pay her off in just four months. It was an intensely stressful time but she became ours and we love not having a monthly payment. Anytime I see a shiny new ride on the street I remind myself of what we have. One day we'll have a second car when we need one and it will be something great but in the meantime we're just enjoying what we have.


What things had you once only hoped for at one time but are now enjoying?
 



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