Manners Monday: Asking about Marriage & Babies

I originally had a different topic planned for today's Manners Monday post but after seeing the reader response on Facebook, I thought going into further detail was a good idea. If you follow The Classy Woman community on Facebook, you'll see that today I posted a Classy Tip of the Day (something I started doing a few weeks ago a few times per week) about the importance of not putting people on the spot with personal questions that they may not be prepared to answer or even know the answer to themselves. This is what I wrote:

"A lady doesn't ask couples who are dating when they're getting married. Similarly, she doesn't ask married couples when or if they're planning to have a baby. A classy woman knows that while she might be really curious about the answer, it's never polite to put someone on the spot. Instead, she waits until the couple brings the topic up themselves."

While there are always a few conversation topics to avoid in many venues, some of them we've previously discussed HERE, I think asking a woman or couple when they are planning to get married or when they're planning to start a family are two of the biggest no-no's. In this day and age when many women are at the peak of their career, are having children later in life, are unsure in this economy how they'd afford an elegant wedding or of how to raise a child, or are perhaps struggling with infertility; these well-meaning questions can actually make the woman or couple feel rather uncomfortable and at a loss for words. 

As a woman who has been married for six years but has not yet had a baby, I get asked when I'm going to have children or if I want to have children A LOT. Whether I'm at a backyard BBQ, a dinner with other ladies, or meeting someone new at a wedding, I can almost guarantee at least one person will ask. They usually begin talking about their own child or pregnancy and then say, "So, do you think you and Paul will want to have children?". I recently had someone tell me they just assumed that we had decided not to have children since so much has passed as a married couple. Ouch.

If you find yourself getting asked these questions, here are some quick suggestions on how to tactfully and cleverly answer even the most nosy person and silence your critics.

How to Answer Questions about Marriage & Children:

Question: "So, when are you guys getting married?"
Answer: "I will get married when the time is right."

Who can argue with that answer? Nobody. It also allows you to take ownership of yourself and not use the term "we" or "us" pulling your significant other into the equation or making any promises that may not happen.

Question: "When are you going to start a family?"
Answer: "We're way too busy enjoying this honeymoon time together (or enjoying this time just us two) to think about that yet!"

Who can put a timeline on how long the honeymoon phase is or the importance of just spending time together as a couple without children? Again, nobody. If you're a spiritual person, another great answer is: "We're leaving it all in God's hands, whatever he has planned for us."

Although these questions can be rather annoying after hearing them several times, try to just laugh it off and remember that someone is taking an interest in you. What I've come to realize is that for some, this is how they make conversation-they may not have a lot of interesting things going on in their own life so they pry and make the focus about other's life milestones not realizing that it is rude. I think these conversations can lead to gossip if not careful which is another reason why it's good to avoid asking these questions.

I want to hear from YOU! What are your thoughts on this topic? Has anyone (other than your mother) pressed you for details on when you're getting married or having babies? How did you respond?

XO






*photo credit

Fashion Friday: Shoe Dazzle Bogo Deal

Welcome to another Fashion Friday post! This is our third installment of the series and if you missed the first two you catch up by clicking here: (1) and (2) for some great fall finds on a budget.

I recently discovered a neat online shop called Shoe Dazzle which offers shoes as well as handbags, accessories and even clothing for great prices and there are no fees to join! Apparently, Kim Kardashian is their Chief Fashion Stylist and even though much of her super-edgy style is not for me, the website offers more classic pieces as well. The above image has four of my favorite items and since this season is all about color & fun, the idea of cobalt suede pumps caught my attention as well as more subdued tones like the hunter green croc handbag and the tan ostrich bag. Of course a black patent cap toe on textured quilted pump was another fabulous find.

The best part is Shoe Dazzle is running a huge BOGO sale right now! This means you can get two pairs of shoes/boots, two handbags, or one of each for just $39.95! The only trick with this site is if you see something in your size that you love, there's no lingering-you need to jump on it! They constantly add new styles and as soon as a style is out of stock, it's gone-they do not get that same items back in. I saw a handbag that I loved and while the bag is still offered, the color I wanted is no longer available. Thankfully I got two other great items which you can see below.

Upon finding the site, there was a quick sign up that took just 2 minutes and included a fun quiz where the shop determines your overall style by having your click on images you are drawn. I've done a few quizzes like this on other websites and they were somewhat accurate but not really bang on. I was interested to see how Shoe Dazzle would define my sense of style. Above is the style profile they came up with for me which was really accurate. It truly represents what I really enjoy wearing-classic, timeless and elegant pieces with a hint of prep and splash of glamour.

Even though the company bears the name 'Shoe' Dazzle, as I mentioned they offer some great handbags too. What I love about them is that while they aren't pricey investment bags, they allow you to have some fun for the season without breaking the bank to incorporate a hot color or trend. I always love a deep red for fall, animal print is a must (and considered to be a neutral), a black ladylike shoulder bag that resembles the quilted Chanel version with link straps , deep teal is a popular new color for fall and the shapes of bags are very structured vs. previous styles such as the hobo bag.

Onto more shoes and 2 pairs that I ordered a couple days ago for just $39.95! As you can tell, I'm loving the cap-toe style-it's a great way of adding some interest and utilizing two colors that work well with an outfit. Let's face it, cream or white worn with black are staples of a classic wardrobe-perfect for every classy woman. Even though I live in flats as much as I can-when visiting clients and on date nights with hubby or a night on the town with the girls, I just love a great pump. I'm really liking the thin ankle strap details on shoes right now and that cream and hot pink is just so cute! I debated between that pair and the black cap toe pair that I purchased.

 I have never owned a pair of booties before-I've always been a tall boot kind of gal. Since I have a great pair of black leather tall heeled boots already, this year I wanted to get something a bit more edgy and I simply love peep-toes for fall! These black suede booties have a zipper with tassel detail on the back and a scoop front which I just know will look adorable with my colorful and dark denim skinny jeans. Last but not least, the two-tone ankle strap pointed-toe flats are another great option vs. the standard rounded toe ballet flat.

For ALL of my favorite selections above and MANY more, you can visit the Shoe Dazzle website. I am not sure how long the buy one, get one free sale will run so I recommend stopping by today! 

Did you see a new style that you hadn't considered before? Which of my favorites shown was your favorite too?

Happy Weekend!

XO

*Images boards are all mine created with items from Shoe Dazzle.

Manners Monday: Extreme Couponing Etiquette

Happy Monday! To my American friends, Happy Columbus Day and to my Canadian friends, I hope you're having a fabulous Thanksgiving today! Today's Manner Monday post is about a topic that is becoming more popular, the use of coupons. Around the time that the show Extreme Couponing became popular, I began watching a few episodes and while many of the coupon queens had a lot of great ideas and I was impressed by their massive organized stockpiles of necessities there were some not so nice aspects of the show that I feel promote competition in a negative way and hoarding among other things. While clearing the shelves at your local supermarket may make you feel like you're one savvy bargain hunter, it's anything but well mannered or classy behavior.

Today I'll be sharing some tips written by Rebecca Wells of Couponing.com. While I have many of my own tips to provide you as an avid user of coupons, there is no sense in re-inventing the wheel when Rebecca (who is a pro at couponing) has done such a fine job of outlining the do's and don't of coupon etiquette.  I've heard of fights breaking out in stores and coupon users treating store staff poorly which is such a sad thought, a classy woman knows that coupons are a privilege offered by the manufacturer and/or stores, not our right and must be used with respect.

If you've ever thought about using coupons (but haven't yet), are just learning the ropes or are a seasoned deal seeker, these tips are good reminders to us all about the importance of manners and etiquette as it pertains to the use of coupons.

EXTREME COUPONING ETIQUETTE

Couponing is more popular – and more necessary, for many families – than ever. The more you coupon, the more important it is to make sure that you’re following accepted etiquette. You’ll leave a positive impression with your fellow shoppers, your local cashiers, and other couponers. And you’ll help encourage stores and manufacturers to continue to provide coupons. Below are some basic rules you should follow when practicing the art of couponing.

1. Read the fine print. Organize your coupons before you shop. Make sure you understand exactly which product sizes and variations are valid for purchase with each coupon. For example, if the coupon is for a 20-ounce bottle of orange soda, don’t plan to use it with a 12-ounce can of root beer. Even if it’s an honest mistake, the cashier may think you’re trying to pull a fast one.

2. Don’t use photocopied coupons. Unless the store is providing them, using photocopied coupons may be considered coupon fraud, which is against the law.

3. Don’t use more than two coupons per item. The general rule is that you can use one store coupon and one manufacturer’s coupon per item. If you try to use more, chances are you are violating store policy or the terms of one of the coupons you are already using.

4. Never take a coupon insert from a paper you haven’t paid for. Unfortunately, coupon theft is on the rise. Some people are stealing coupon inserts either from store newspapers or from newspapers other people have already paid for. Saving a few bucks isn’t worth your integrity.

5. Know the store’s coupon policy. Your grocery store, retailers and local merchants will all have different coupon policies. Some may allow you to use coupons for items that are on sale, but others won’t. Some may give you cash back if your coupons exceed the value of what you’ve purchased, while others may not allow this. They will all have different rules around rain checks. Familiarize yourself with the store’s policies so you don’t have an issue when you’re in the checkout line.

6. Don’t take more than your share of coupons. If the store has tear pad coupons or coupon dispensers, take one or two, not five or ten. Leave some for your fellow couponers and other customers.

7. Avoid peak shopping hours. If you show up at 5pm with the crowd that’s trying to buy groceries for tonight’s dinner, you’re going to make the cashiers’ jobs that much more stressful. Shop when the store tends to be less crowded, such as later at night or early in the morning.

8. If you can’t use it, give it away. If you discover while at the store that you can’t use a coupon but it is still valid, leave it for someone else who may be able to make use of it.

9. Don’t clear the shelves. While many couponers love the thrill of getting a vast amount of items for nothing (or next to nothing), only do this if you can actually use that vast amount. Don’t be greedy and leave the shelves bare; be considerate of your fellow shoppers and take only what you know you and your family will actually use.

10. Survey the checkout line. If the person behind you has one item and no coupons, and you have 20 items and 20 coupons, let them go ahead of you. This common courtesy will help give you and your fellow couponers a good name.

11. Always be kind to the cashier. Even if you find that the checkout person has an attitude about your coupons, smile graciously and thank them for their help. They may have had a run-in with an unfriendly couponer or someone who tried to trick them into honoring coupons that weren’t valid.

12. Have your method of payment at the ready. This is especially important if a line has formed behind you while the cashier was scanning your coupons. Your fellow shoppers – and the cashier – will appreciate anything you can do to streamline the process.

13. Use the customer service desk. If you have a disagreement with the cashier about how you are using your coupons, politely ask them if a manager might have additional insight. If the manager does not assist you, finish your transactions and bring the issue to the customer service desk.  If the customer service desk won’t help you, and you believe you are still in the right, follow up with a polite letter or phone call to the company that owns the store.  You’d be surprised how often you will receive a response if you keep things civil.

If you follow these simple guidelines, you and your fellow shoppers will have a more pleasant experience. And, just as important, you’ll help make sure that couponers everywhere get to continue to do what we love – find great deals. To find out how to coupon more effectively, visit Rebecca's website for more information.

Just for fun, I thought I'd share one of my favorite trips to Target, it was exactly this time last year. I love their clearance sections, you can find great deals! This happened to be a day where I really scored in the clearance area and had coupons that I applied also. 

Below is a better picture of my favorite item below on our bed-the pillow!

Here are the details, in case anyone is interested and gets a thrill out of hitting the deal jackpot ;) I don't normally document my shopping trips but some friends had been asking how I find things for a steal, so I shared it on my personal Facebook page with the breakdown.

Tazo Organic Chai concentrate was 50% off after coupons, Alba Botanicals lotion was 88% off and less than $1.00! (3) St. Ives lotions were free (actually made 8 cents each with store coupon), ponytail holder 50% off, (4) 4-pk Dove sensitive skin bar soap $3.48 ea with bonus travel size shampoos attached, (2) 3-pk Kleenex only 58 cents after coupon and my favorite find was a Fieldcrest Luxury Downfilled pillow which was 88% off on clearance-no coupon required. I saved a total of 70% off my bill by using coupons, buying clearance items that I normally busy and by utilizing my Target debit Redcard to save an additional 5% off plus 5 cents off each reusable bag I brought. My cost: $25.56 vs. Retail cost: $83.76.


Do you use coupons? What has your couponing experience been and have you ever witnessed anyone breaking the rules? What is one of the best deals you got using sales coupled with coupons? I'd love to hear about it!

XO





*photo credit

Manners Monday: Handbag Etiquette

Happy Monday and First of October! I hope you all had a fabulous weekend. :) Mine consisted of doing a little bit of work, trying some fun juicing & frozen dessert recipes in our Vitamix- and might I add, there isn't anything that it can't do! It is officially my new favorite kitchen appliance (and likely to become the most used). I also took some quiet time for reading some new fall magazines that arrived last week and several e-mails that I received from you, my readers!

Today's etiquette post was sparked by a recent e-mail that I received from Kaley S. of Maine asking where the proper area is to place a handbag when dining out.

A handbag carried during the day is usually larger than the one that you'll be taking to dinner. No matter what the occasion, it is never appropriate to put one's handbag on the table-it is considered extremely rude no matter how expensive or beautiful it is. We often place our handbag on the kitchen counter, a bench, and some even momentarily meet the floor so for hygiene reasons alone, it is not acceptable.

Daytime Handbags 

For larger daytime handbags, it is appropriate to place your handbag on an empty seat next to you (provided that there is such space available), the next option is to hang it from the corner of your chair, and in the case of rounded-back chairs, you may have to place it on the floor next to your chair. In particularly tight spaces such as small cafes, you could also place it under your chair so it's out of the way of servers. Of course an option to you is to purchase a purse hook. While I don't own one, I have a few friends that do and they like that option. A purse hook is a small device that you can carry in your bag, it pops open and hooks over the edge of a table to keep your bag off the floor.

Evening Bags

Generally speaking,  evening bags such as a clutch are much smaller than your average daytime handbag. It really belongs in one of these two locations: behind you in your chair or lying flat in your lap underneath your napkin. Due to its small size, placing it on the floor is not a good option as items may fall out or it may get kicked by someone passing by. If you are using a clutch during the daytime, follow the same protocol-lap or behind you on the chair. If you have a small cross-body handbag you can place it in the same location.

As with all large bags, when squeezing into tight spaces such as a subway train, passing through the aisle on an airplane or even through a busy restaurant entrance, be mindful that while your bag is on your shoulder (or worn in the crook of your arm) it may hit someone while passing by. In these instances it is best to take it off your shoulder and carry it in front of you or at the very least hold it down with the arm of the side of shoulder its carried on.

When meeting new people at a work networking event, a wedding or a social gathering always carry a clutch in your left hand (do the same if you are carrying a handbag during the day to an event). This allows you to greet others and shake hands much more easily which is always polite.

One last thought on handbags as it pertains to their cleanliness. A classy woman is not only hygienic but presents herself with a tidy appearance-this includes the bag she carries. If she looks put together but then opens up her handbag to pay for something, grab her cell phone or even her lip gloss and it's clear she has 3 years worth of crumpled receipts in her bag along with money just randomly tossed in the bag, food wrappers and way too many things that don't belong, this has the same overall effect as a messy car-it just takes away from her overall look and how other's perceive her. Keeping the bag's exterior clean is also important-they can be wiped down with a cloth (I sometimes use a baby wipe in a pinch if coffee has been splashed on it, etc., or use a cloth with leather cleaner. If you find that you have only had the option of placing it beside or under your chair due to a round back dining chair (and no extra available seating at your table), you'll want to be mindful to do this anyway if it's been on the floor which unfortunately sometimes is the only available option.

If you're currently toting around a messing bag, here are some tips that I put together on how to organize your handbag in just a few minutes to keep it neat and clean on a daily basis. :)

SHOP CLASSY FALL HANDBAGS:

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Have a great day!

XO

*photo credit

Fashion Friday: Target Under $20

After hearing the same request from many of you about fashion posts and what to wear in blog comments, via e-mails, Facebook messages and of course the poll running in the sidebar, we will have regular posts all about classy fashion and how to dress classy. What does this mean? First of all, the items I select in my posts are items I would wear myself and might even have on my wish list, am inspired by or already own. The fashion posts each week will link to the item sources and will share why I've selected them and how they contribute to the overall look and appeal of a classy woman. To kick off the first post of the Fashion Friday series, I thought what better way than to share some fall budget-friendly picks from Target.

While a classy woman invests in key apparel pieces such as denim, black dress pants, trench coats and skirts that are of good quality and built to last, she knows that she can play around a little more with accessories. While she might find a great scarf, watch or sunglasses she'll own for years or even decades, smaller items like bangles, a sleek evening bag or a chic pair of earrings need not break the bank. Even a stylish watch at a desirable price can be a fun way of incorporating a current trend.

Once you've built a solid wardrobe filled with classics (which we'll go into greater detail in weeks to come), a great way to keep your wardrobe fresh and ever-changing is to add new accessories every season. It's the quickest and least expensive way to create new outfits and add versatility. Below are my selections so help you do just that....

31 Fall Fashion Accessories Under $20 from Target

Clockwise from top left: gold dangling earrings / zig-zag bracelets / black filigree earrings /
gold bracelet / black & gold hinge bracelet / Pewter & gold hoops / brown & gold bracelet /
burgundy snakeskin hinge bracelet 

Not wearing accessories is like having a house full of furniture and no artwork, flowers, pillows or rugs! Earrings help draw attention to your face and neckline and are something I wear every day. Bracelets and statement rings help add to the layering of an outfit. I own the black and gold filigree earrings-I adore them with dressier tops! I have my eye on the burgundy and gold clasp bracelet. This season is filled with bordeaux tones and this hinge bracelet is the perfect accessory!

Clockwise from top left: glitter skinny belt / wide brown buckles belt / leopard skinny belt/ brown braid belt /white snakeskin belt / black & silver belt / purple snakeskin belt / 
calf hair leopard belt / red skinny belt

Define your waist with a skinny belt in an unexpected pattern or color. I recently added the gold glitter belt, leopard print belt, brown braided belt and calf hair belt to my wardrobe. You can buy these in a smaller size to fit around your natural waist area to define the smallest point of your body or buy the belt a size or two larger and it can be worn through your belt loops. Wider belts are great for dresses and pulling a skirt and top together without a line of separation.

  Clockwise from top left: White watch / gold round watch /

brown tortoise watch / rectangular gold watch

Grow your collection of watches and include a variety of colors and materials that will go with a variety of outfits. My favorites are the brown tortoise with gold as well as the white resin with crystals and mother of pearl face-I own this Fossil watch which looks very similar. I invested more into it because Fossil watches last forever and I knew it was a classic design I'd have for years to come. Gold tones are quite popular right now and these Michael Kors knock-offs are a great price.

Clockwise from top left:  plaid cross-body / wine cross-body / chocolate croc clutch /

black small cross-body / blue cross-body / snakeskin envelope clutch / 

hunter green croc clutch /burgundy buckle cross-body /

Large handbags are in for fall (and I'll cover those in future posts) but for a night on the town, leave the over-sized bag at home and opt for a cute clutch in a crocodile or snakeskin texture for evening. Pull out the strap and use it for daytime use. Cross-body bags are stylish and easy too-perfect for everyday wear especially for busy women on the go or those traveling by foot who don't want to carry excess weight. Grab a bright or fun color-this year bright, happy colors are in style for clothing and accessories so enjoy!

Kirna Zabete for Target Floral multi-color scarf / Purple solid pashmina

Scarfs are not only chic but they're practical too as the weather cools down. Wearing a lot of neutrals? Break it up with a great pop of fall color! The solid pashmina comes in lots of colors but I just loved purple.

I had a lot of fun putting today's post together and I'm already excited for next week's post which features great fall staples for your wardrobe from a classic brand which happens to be one of my favorites. Now, I'd love to know...what are your favorite ways to freshen up your fall wardrobe with accessories?

XO




*all image collages with text and header created by me, accessory items all from Target

Becoming a Great Role Model for Your Children

Yesterday we focused a bit on the 10 Rules for a Happy Marriage. Today, I wanted to take a moment to focus on the relationship and interaction of women and children. As some of you know, I enjoy posting daily inspiration on the community Facebook page but once in a while I decide to expand upon it further-today is one of those days so I apologize for the repeat if you popped over from that page.

This is actually a gentle reminder for ALL women. If you're a mom, this is one of the most important pieces of advice ever! Children do not do as we  say, they do as we DO. For the ladies who are not yet mothers (like myself), start working today towards being the role model that you want your children to model themselves after one day, and you'll become a better person and more classy woman in the process! :)

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." 

~Ghandi

Now I want to hear from YOU! What is the best advice that you were ever given as a mom? Maybe you have some advice for the new moms out there or future moms?


I'll see you here tomorrow! I'm excited to share our very first Fashion Friday post with you!

XO





*photo credit

10 Rules for a Happy Marriage

I'm changing the pace a bit here today, I know many of you are married so I thought I'd share some tips for a happy marriage. Before I got married six years ago, my Aunt hosted a bridal shower for me and one of the fun things that the guests did was take turns sharing some marriage advice out loud with me and then wrote it down and each slip was placed inside a painted wooden box with a latch that now sits on the shelf in our family room. From time to time if I'm feeling sentimental I'll pull it off the shelf and read each one.

So, in addition to the 10 Rules for a Happy Marriage poster shown above, here are a few pieces of advice that were given to me in my advice box that you might find helpful....

Always compromise if you don't agree

Cherish each and every moment you spend together

Always remember that God put you two together for the greater good

Never go to bed angry

Remember to make time for yourself and continue to do the things you enjoy most

As we women tie the knot and spend our marital years learning and navigating the blissful moments as well as the choppy waters, we create our own rules and sometimes begin giving advice to others. One of my favorite pieces of advice came in the form of a Facebook comment on a post I wrote several months ago about the importance of being reconciled vs. right. She said the rule in her house is, "It's about what's right, not who is right". They focus on being a team and keeping in mind what is best for them as a couple instead of pointing fingers at one another and fighting over who is right. While that has always been the goal in our home (we often refer to ourselves as Team Davis) it hasn't always been easy with two strong minded and independent individuals. However, since I read that comment and shared it with hubby, we now make a point of reminding ourselves that it's about what is right and that nips any arguments in the bud.

What is the best advice you've been given about marriage or what advice would you love to give those who are just about to wed or maybe those who are struggling to stay together?

XO

You Can't Please Everyone

Today's post is a shorter one and a gentle reminder to us all. Posting on Facebook then taking my message here and expanding upon it further has started to become a regular ritual. After seeing that today's post had 25 likes after just one hour I learned that many of you, my readers, agreed and felt strongly about these words so I wanted to share them here too!

I love this image and text above by Dita Von Teese. Think of the many times you've fallen in love with a particular book, movie, food or item of clothing and a friend really could care less for it. It wouldn't matter how much you tried to convince her of how awesome it is-she's just not having asparagus, skinny jeans or watching Glee. ;)

As women, it's as almost as if there is something inborn in us to become people pleasers. We want others to be happy, well fed, taken care of, nurtured, feel at home in our house and we long for friendships and to be liked. Sometimes we just want others to like what we like. These are all very good things but sometimes they just don't work out as we hope. I've always been able to make friends fairly easily as a child and adult even though I tend to be on the shy side at first. Sometimes you just get a feeling as though someone doesn't care for you or what you're all about. It could be a lack of common interests, different beliefs or even jealousy-whatever the reasoning, for many years I would try to over-analyze why they might not like me. While I wouldn't try hard to please the person in question, I would really want to know what it was. The thoughts were exhausting because I knew I wasn't about to change who I was to make someone like me. I finally decided that I just didn't care because there are enough amazing people on this planet that I will have things in common with and will have a great time with and will like me exactly as I am. The trick is in 'Staying True to Yourself'.

We must accept the fact that no matter how hard we try in life, we will never please EVERYONE 100% of the time nor will we be liked by every person. The sooner we realize this, the easier it will be to focus on just being our best self without feeling insecure or requiring the need to be accepted or perfect in another's eyes. 

For me, one thing I've learned is that people will have their opinions and reasons about why they do or don't like or accept you, and sometimes that won't ever change. Really, their opinion isn't all that important anyway. In my heart I know my creator and I know what He thinks of me. He created me in His own image and made me with all of my quirks and intricacies as well as likeable bits just as I am and loves me unconditionally. If you struggle with how other's perceive you, you'll benefit from this post I wrote called, 'Letting Go of How Others Perceive You'.

Remember, when you feel others are against you or you feel you just can't seem to live up to other's expectations, there is only ONE who will accept you just as you are-no pretenses and no judgments- just love, peace, grace and mercy offered because you are one of His children.

I hope you're all having a fabulous week so far! I'd love to know, what areas do you struggle with as it pertains to being liked or pleasing others?

XO




*Photo credit

What to Wear: Paring Down Your Wardrobe

How are you? Are you enjoying your summer so far? I hope you're finding some great ways to stay cool because it is definitely a hot one this year! Finding outfits that allow you to stay cool definitely helps and for me dresses are on the top of my list. One thing is for sure, the votes are coming in loud and clear for the little poll I posted in the sidebar a couple weeks ago. Since you all wanted to read more posts about classy fashion and how to dress classy, I thought it was about time to write another post for our 'What to Wear'. If you haven't voted yet for your favorite types of posts on this blog and want to, it's still available and I would absolutely love to hear from you! :) It looks like this in my sidebar to the right of this post....

I thought we could discuss the topic of paring down. This might sound scary or daunting to some but I find that simplicity in many areas of our life actually helps to reduce stress and clear the mind of unnecessary clutter. Yesterday I came across a lovely new blog called 'Greater than Rubies' and discovered a little challenge that the blog writer Caitlin put together. She has decided not to purchase any new clothing for **gasp** one.full.year. She began on Jan.1st, so she's more than half way though the challenge now. Below is a look at the main outfits she created from just a few key wardrobe staples-it's really amazing to see it all laid out in one image board.

{Click link below named 'this link' to see enlarged individual outfits}

While reading a few pages of her blog I found this great compilation of images that Caitlin created for a separate challenge called the 30-Day Challenge which she posted to Pinterest. All of the tiny images you see here are all shown individually however much larger on the site, use this link to see them all in greater detail. She used 11 pieces to create 35 outfits from Day 1 to Day 30! With just eleven clothing pieces and a few accessories to rotate through you could get by for a whole month with only those pieces just like she did! We can all live on less and I think this just proves it. I don't know about you but I'm pretty darn impressed! Thanks Caitlin for the inspiration! :)

She has also decided to do something that costs her nothing to update her wardrobe now and then-clothing swaps. I've attended a few of these and they are always so much fun. Essentially everyone brings clothing, shoes and accessories they no longer want and would consider just donating to the swap and each person gets a chance to select a few new items. Not only is it free, but it's a great way to bring girlfriends together and become a bit more creative with your wardrobe and go home with some great new pieces!

Here are some tips on Maximizing Your Wardrobe that I wrote last year which include a short video from Project Runway's Tim Gunn.

For the classy woman, the key to building a solid wardrobe is to keep only those pieces which flatter, that fit properly, are in good repair and stand the test of time. Classic pieces will never let you down, they can be mixed with more trendy garments to create great outfits and if you care for them properly and establish a wardrobe built upon them, getting dressed will be so much easier. We'll be talking more about what these pieces consist of in the weeks to come in greater detail. In the mean time, you can read about essential classic wardrobe pieces in this previous post I wrote called, How to Dress Classy on a Budget.

This summer wardrobe image above is a great example of how you can wear the same two clothing pieces two different ways. It's the color in the accessories that changes the overall look! Sometimes we get into a rut with our clothing, always wearing the same pieces with the same shoes and accessories. You'll note that the shoes, handbag and sunglasses are the same, but changing those up will add greater variety. Is this getting your creative juices flowing yet?

Each season it's a good idea to donate anything that you haven't worn in the previous 12 months, don't like how you look or feel in, clothing that is beyond repair or stained and any pieces that you no longer love. There isn't any sense in filling what limited closet space and drawer space you have with things you truly never wear. There is nothing wrong with having a smaller wardrobe, in fact French women very much live by the notion of less is more when it comes to their closets. They'll invest in great trench coats, pencil skirts, dresses and black dress pants that they've saved up for and invested in and can literally wear for 5-10 years. They enjoy quality over quantity and I think this is a great lesson we could glean from them.

Have any of your tried paring down your wardrobe or challenging yourself in this way for others areas in your life? Maybe you've participated in a clothing swap? What did you learn most during the process?

Wishing you all a Fabulous Weekend!

XO




*Photo Credits: (1), (2), (3)

Manners Monday: Sharing Good News

If you follow The Classy Woman Facebook page then you know that I posted about a personal experience I had with a family member last week as it pertains to manners (or in this case the lack thereof). While I was vague in terms of the story itself, there was a good lesson behind it and many of you commented and enjoyed the post and some asked how to best respond to the person lacking in manners in this type of situation. So, I've decided to share it here on the blog too as today's Manners Monday post. :)

Some of you might be reading the title of this post and thinking, "Really, there are certain manners behind sharing good news with someone?" I believe there are because it is always about how we leave others feeling at the end of a conversation or exchange that shows whether or not we used good judgement and manners or left much to be desired.

Last week I was grocery shopping and while waiting in line happened to check my e-mail via my phone, I saw a Facebook e-mail message from a family member who had very exciting news to share. It was truly a surprise to read that she was expecting baby #2 and I was very happy for her, but it was the content and tone of her e-mail that left me feeling a bit hurt in the end instead of overjoyed.

You see, she had immediately dove into her good news and how the technician said the baby looks really healthy and how her first child will be such a a good sibling to the new baby and why and yada yada yada. At the end she threw in a quick "Hope you're doing well". Now, I admit I'm a pretty over-analytical person and I can tend to read into things more than I should sometimes  but this is also not the first time I've received an e-mail like this via Facebook from this person. The other sad detail is that we very rarely speak anymore and we only see each other about once per year in person when I fly back home to Toronto although we were inseparable as kids. While I've tried numerous times to reach out so that we could have some phone conversations and correspond via e-mail, she almost never replies. The only time I really receive a note from her is to hear about the new home they just purchased, their upcoming baby, etc. I can say after several years I do know where I stand with this person and while I will always be cordial and nice to her, I have stopped investing myself into that relationship as I see it for what it is.

When we make a phone call, face-to-face talk, e-mail or written correspondence and it is all about us we alienate others and it tells them that they (nor how they're doing or what they're going through and experiencing in life) don't really matter to us. I think we almost need to eliminate the phrase "I hope you're doing well" from our vocabulary. It takes very little effort to say this. When someone asks me, "So, how's your design business going this summer" or "How was your vacation?" it immediately makes me feel special and as though they truly care what is actually going on in my life. I'm sure you can all relate. Nobody that I know enjoys feeling ignored or as if someone completely glosses over the current topics in their life.


These types of conversations can also happen when someone happens to have really bad news as well such as the sudden passing of a loved one or the loss of a job, etc. In these situations if you're the one sharing the not-so-great news I think it is important to grieve your loss but also understand that others have challenges, loss and problems also. Most will let you grieve and experience what you are experiencing and I believe it's really important and healthy to do so. Good friends give grace to those they love in these times. However, if the conversations become a regular occurrence, every effort should be made to make it a conversation with the other person and not a weekly therapy session or means to vent on your end only.

Here is the key to more meaningful conversation:

Lead in with Questions- You can never go wrong in a conversation (whether verbal or written) when you lead with questions, in fact asking someone something about their life will draw them closer to you and you'll also learn more about them too. Sometimes we have really special news to share but the other person might as well, if you don't ask, you'll never know as some don't choose to highlight all of the news in their life. Always ask how the other person is doing first and also ask specific questions that pertain to the season of their life such as, "Are you having a good summer with the kids?", "How's your new job going?", "How are you enjoying being a mom?", "Did you do anything exciting during the weekend?" There are millions of questions you can ask someone that makes them feel like you actually care and that you're not going into the conversation with an agenda or just to brag.

What to do when someone drops their great news and completely ignores you:

Vanessa from Luxuria Jewellery asked me what I recommend doing when this type of behavior occurs as she too has experienced it many times herself. The best thing to do is this:

Be the Example- It's not easy and it's not always fun however nothing will truly be gained by sharing with someone (especially one you don't know overly well) that you feel they're self-centered or that everything is about them when you are not that close to them or this self-absorption has only happened one time. Be the model for the other person, perhaps they'll catch on. It's not our job to correct everyone's behavior when we feel it isn't suitable (unless they are your small children). If the person in question is very close in relationship and it's an ongoing trend, read the tip below....

You Cannot Correct What You Don't Confront- Please hear me when I say that I'm not suggesting we become confrontational with others, however in certain situations when we are dealing with a very close family member or friend I think it is appropriate to share our feelings. While being polite and ladylike often involves holding our tongue, sometimes doing so hinders a relationship with another and prevents it from blossoming the way it could when one person is feeling as though they are being taken for granted or feel hurt by the other person. I've been in this position before and it didn't feel great in the moment but it was really necessary and the friendship in question actually grew stronger as a result afterwards. Letting the other person know how their words/actions make you "feel" and not merely telling them what you "think" of their behavior, will help soften the impact and they may feel compelled to change their ways in order to become a more well-mannered person and better friend.

*Please note that I chose the above image as I felt her body language fit well with today's post topic. I'm in no way suggesting that women or a classy woman should attempt to be so thin!

What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear from you! Some of your may have differing opinions from mine and that is completely okay. ;) How do you deal with people like this in your life?

XO




*Photo Credit

Manners Monday: Blog Commenting Etiquette

Good Morning Ladies! I don't know about you but my weekend just flew by! Today's Manners Monday post was inspired by something that I've been thinking about for a while which is blog commenting etiquette. Not just because I'm a blogger myself but because I've often seen comments left for other bloggers, anonymous or named and I just feel something needs to be said.

As you know, I've always allowed Anonymous comments on this blog. Sometimes you just want to leave a comment about a touchy subject or one that is of a very personal nature and not always attach your name to it. Maybe it's regarding a strained relationship, lack of finances, failing health, etc. Thankfully, I haven't received many mean anonymous comments with the exception of two which I had to take the liberty to delete because they were angry rants and unnecessary. This brings me to point number one....

1. Leaving Anonymous Comments- If a blogger has chosen to afford readers the ability to leave an anonymous comment, be respectful. It's shameful how I've seen some people hide behind the cloak of anonymity making it easy for them to be rude, mean, negative and just all around nasty to the blog owner or even in the form of a reply towards others who have commented before them. Many seem to feel these days that because they cannot be seen behind their computer screen that it is okay. Hurtful comments can really bring someone down long after the offhand remark is type into the comment box. Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.

2. Leaving Public Profile Comments- Some people have no shame, profile picture and name attached or not, they feel entitled to voice their opinion at the cost of someones feelings. It's all about them making sure their thoughts on a subject are heard. Likewise, they feel the same way about replying to others who have commented before them. A classy woman does not harm other people with her words and make them feel uncomfortable in an effort to ensure her viewpoints are made known. Be mindful of the fact that bloggers choose to put a lot of their personality, their family, maybe their home, their experiences and sometimes their faith into their posts and if you do not agree, simply do not comment. There's no need to start a war online. I'm constantly amazed by the people that attack another blogger's post content. I always think to myself that if they don't like it, why don't they just move on to another site they'll enjoy more?

3. Making the Effort to Comment- Nobody knows the importance of comments after a thoughtfully-written post like another blogger does. You see, there are many times that one pores over just the right images to use, often re-sizing them and using editing tools to pretty them up on top of the time spent writing and editing one's thoughts and speaking from the heart on certain matters. It's somewhat demoralizing to spend sometimes hours preparing a post and feel as though nobody is listening. I realize many blog readers are not blog writers themselves and therefore may not understand this side of the blog but it's something to be mindful of. While bloggers don't begin a blog for the purpose of applause or comments, rather it is their passion, interests, hobbies that keep them writing, everyone appreciates the connection that comes from interacting with their readers.

These days I find a lot of people are very much consumers. They see images or a great piece online and quickly read through it, get what they need and move on. It's such a selfish attitude in my opinion. I'm certainly not perfect in the commenting department but I do try to leave a few comments per day on other blogs after reading posts and visiting others via Facebook and Twitter to keep the relationships going or to say hello when discovering a new page.

4. Shameless Self-Promotion- There's nothing worse than having someone visit your blog only to promote themselves and that is all. You know the type, they include a link to their blog as if clicking on their profile name wouldn't simply take you there. They sometimes include their latest giveaway even though they don't really have much of a relationship with you and it can feel like spam. Likewise, most bloggers have an e-mail address so if you need to share something that doesn't need to be shared with a crowd via comments, just send a direct e-mail.

5. Blog Comment Reciprocation- As blog writers who know the importance of valuable, helpful comments and sometimes re-assuring and uplifting someone else if they've really put themselves out there with a personal topic or a video they've produced, it's kind to give them a quick lift by leaving a little message. Even if the blogger who left you a comment only has 22 followers, they are no less important than those who follow you and have 2200 followers. It really is common courtesy to say thank you for the post, let them know you visited and read their post and what your thoughts were. The bloggers that I connect with the most are always the ones who make the effort because you know what? It tells me that I'M worth their effort. Isn't that what manners are really all about anyway? Letting others know that you value them and want to make them feel comfortable and that they matter.


What are your thoughts on blog commenting etiquette?

XO



*Photo Credit: (1)