Tuesday, April 30, 2013

A Classy Woman is Confident



When I was a teen my mother and I would shop together for clothing quite a bit and because we were the same height with the same overall frame, we could share and essentially expand our wardrobe as a result which was a huge bonus. While I have memories of fun trips to the mall of us getting some great deals, carrying our shopping bags in the crook of our arm while eating frozen yogurt together and laughing, I also have other memories. I remember my mom trying on outfits and because of her youthful appearance for her age many sales clerks would think we were sisters often telling her she looked far too young to have a daughter my age. While some might see it as an ego boost, I think all this flattery may have gone to her head as she became even more engrossed in her physical appearance. She would often ask: "Does this dress make me look fat?" When I replied with a NO, she'd say, "Are you sure? Do you think I look too old for this?"

Even at that age I found her lack of confidence in the 'dressing' department and need for such constant validation as it pertained to how she looked quite annoying and not at all something that I wanted to emulate. I promised myself I wouldn't be that woman with my friends or my significant other. To this day she tends to still fuss about and obsess over her physical appearance to the point of dressing much younger than her age. It's hard to live in the present moment and enjoy the company around you when you're focused on yourself all the time. Besides, what man is attracted to a woman without confidence and who constantly second guesses herself and her decisions? I also knew that the last thing I'd want to do it point out my areas that may have needed a bit of improvement. It's always more fun to focus on the areas which you feel best about.




We've all had friends or other ladies in our life who have asked that dreaded question: "Does this make me look fat?" and to this question I have the following reply below as it pertains to being a classy woman.

Part of being a classy woman includes being a confident woman who is decisive in her choices-that is one of her most attractive qualities! She isn't wishy-washy and always asking others for their opinion nor does she require their validation. She takes the time to learn about and appreciate herself, others and the things which are important to her so she can make the best decisions possible with boldness and without regret!

Did anyone else grow up with a mother or friend who always asked this question. How did you respond and what did you take away from their behavior?

Thanks for Reading!

XO


17 comments:

  1. There was never a compliment from my mother and I grew up feeling very insecure (I still am). My father was a strict disciplinarian but fair ; nevertheless, a mother's opinion is prevalent in the education of children and I think that if she is not adequate, she can pretty much ruin her children's life ! Curiously, I never ask people's opinion about my appearance, I know I'm the best judge for that ; not showing my insecurity has always been a priority for me. Great post !

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear your mom never had kind, complimentary words for you. :( I think both a mother's and father's words are so important as a little girl growing up, especially as we tend to look for in a man what our father did or did not offer. We look to our mothers as a role model of which we are to model ourselves after. You are so right, we are the best judge on our appearance! Thanks for stopping by and sharing. :)

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  2. I am quite a confident person, but I still always ask the "do I look fat in this" question to my Hubs. I realized whilst reading this that it was something my mum always said, and I seemed to have picked it up by "osmosis".

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    1. Isn't is amazing the things we pick up from our parents? Every now and then I'll catch what I say, the way I'm doing something or my reaction to something and immediately realize it was all-mom or all-dad. ;)

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  3. Hi Karla,
    My Mother was not too concerned with her looks, she ws always pretty and looked natural.
    I did have a friend who was ALWAYS concerned about her looks; it can almost come across as self-centered.

    PS I am having a Paris Book Giveaway!
    xoxo
    Karena
    Art by Karena

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    1. You are so right, Karen, that is always my thought too, especially if it's more than a one-time question and become quite regular. People who don't focus on themselves and take an interest in others are always much more enjoyable to be around. I'll definitely pop by for your giveaway, Paris is one of my favorite cities! :)

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  4. Actually, I don't think it is a bad thing to ask questions, especially when it is within close friends (as your mother and you). I go shopping with my mom once in a while (we don't live in the same country, actually continent) and when I do, I am often asked for opinion and advice. My mom is beautiful (and confident) but she is not sure if she can wear today's fashion without looking like she tries too hard. My validation helps her. I don't see anything wrong with it. Obviously it is annoying if there is a person who asks "do I look fat in this" everyone and only for purpose of getting a compliment. And I would not ask a man this question...you don't want to give him ideas that you could look fat in anything :)

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    1. I'm all for asking others for their opinion between one dress or another if I'm feeling a bit indecisive or unsure on a particular day (or asking a server which entree gets raved about the most) but with regards to confidence, by the time we're adults I think for the most part we generally know what does and does not work for us, and if we don't it's something that is well worth investing a little time into learning via great books, blogs and magazine articles.

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  5. Also I have a rule, if I am ever in doubt whether I look fat in anything, I don't buy it. Because I'd always feel fat in it, whether it was true or not.

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    1. Thanks for sharing, Evelyn! :) This is such a great rule and point to consider. You're so right, those pieces are generally the ones that will be purchased but hang in the closet and never worn.

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  6. "Besides, what man is attracted to a woman without confidence and who constantly second guesses herself and her decisions?"
    Who cares what attracts a man? Im perfectly ok with myslef and do not need to know a man is attracted to me to feel whole. That's part of being confident. If anyone else's view of me weighed on my mind, I would want to impress my mother first and foremost, not a man.
    Asking my friend or family member's opinion while we are shopping together is just part of the experience. I can make my decision in the end.
    My mother was absolutely gorgeous all the way up until she took her last breath at the early age of 50. When we were able to go shopping together we had a great time regardless of what we left the mall with. I loved that she valued my opinion. She could put an outfit together and look as neat as a pin with no trouble. I wasnt blessed with that ability. She was always helpful when I asked her opinion and never criticized my choices. She respected my right to be me...whatever made me happy, made her smile.
    Focusing on your best physical assets is a good thing. Focusing on the positive moments while making memories you were able to make with your mother...worth more than any outfit you'll ever wear or any physical asset you have.

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    1. Thanks Misty for sharing your thoughts! What a man is attracted to is considered secondary, how we feel about who we are and how confident we are overall are obviously priority #1. I simply mentioned that point as an addition because many women often wonder why they turn certain men off whom they like or are attracted to, lack of confidence can be a relationship killer. Some women are looking to meet a quality man and are looking to improve themselves in a way that not only they will be proud of but will also attract the right kind of man into their life (if they are marriage or dating-minded). That was my only reason for mentioning that bit.

      The content of this post was in relation to the quote I wrote above pertaining to a lack of confidence while trying on clothes. I see and hear it all too often in general, not just with the personal experience of my mother and myself. I try to write on an array of topics that pertain to the classy woman to keep things fresh and interesting, good reminders of what to be mindful of. Sometimes my topics or ideas for posts that I feel compelled to write about come from my own personal experiences. I think these real life experiences and memories can be the best teaching tools (they are relatable) and as mentioned, while I love and value my mother dearly, I don't follow or agree with everything she represents. If we are women who are committed to personal growth, we look to those who inspire as well as learn from those who also do not display behavior we'd like to emulate to ultimately move towards becoming the woman we wish to be. That is my passion for and reason behind this blog. :)

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  7. My mother outwardly was confident but not inside. Consequently I have the same problem. Great advice and thank you.

    I've just figured out how to follow you on bloglovin' and feedly. So much easier for me than the emails, so you'll know what happened to me there. I don't want to miss a post of your fabulous advice.
    Sam

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    1. I'm so glad you enjoyed the post, Sam and that you were able to follow along on bloglovin' and feedly! You are so sweet, have a wonderful day! :)

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  8. Hi Karla,
    I am just learning that adult children of alcoholics tend to have an intrinsic sense of shame and insecurity, and that the way I've grown up feeling and thinking about myself is not normal. So much of what we believe about ourselves is due to our parents! And let me tell you, trying to change it in your mid-thirties is difficult. I am really glad there are women like you blogging about this - thanks!

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  9. Hi Karla. I enjoy and look forward to reading your blog. They've been a source of continuous enlightenment for me. Thank you for being such an inspiration for women like me. I wish you every success in your endeavours. I'm also looking forward to reading your book when it comes out.

    Ruby

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    1. Hi Ruby, thanks you so much for taking the time to comment. Your sweet words made my day! I'm so glad I can enlighten and inspire you. I appreciate your kind wishes also for my success and for your interest in my upcoming book. I actually read your comments a month ago but just realized my comments must not have registered and gone through via my mobile app for blogger. Have a blessed day! Hugs, Karla

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Thanks for stopping by, your comments make my day! I read every single one and will answer any questions you have. I hope you'll visit again soon! :)

Warmly,
Karla

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