Saturday, January 2, 2010

Reader Request: Classy or Snooty?


Thank you to to all of those who keep sending me your reader request questions! If you haven't yet, you can find out more about it here on my previous reader request post. Our previous (and first) published reader request was titled 'bringing classy back'. Thanks to Kimberly for sending in her question.

Today's question is one that many of you may be able to relate to. Jacklyn writes in and asks this:


I would like to know when a woman is conducting and displaying herself with Manners, Elegance and Class why she's labeled as being snooty?

Thank You,

Jacklyn M. of Ft. Lauderdale, FL

This is how I responded.....

Dear: Jacklyn,

Thank you for writing me, I'm happy to answer your question. I think this happens quite often actually. Many classy and elegant women exude a confidence and carry themselves in a way that other women simply cannot relate to. They are genuinely kind and aren't looking to 'impress' anyone or be someone who they are not. Instead, the outsiders see such a woman as trying to act better than others, aloof, or 'snooty' as you mentioned, simply because of their chosen attitude, actions, reactions and overall conduct.

Another common reason is because consciously or unconsciously, the person doing the accusing may in fact be envious. Being a classy woman takes work, effort, patience, grace and isn't without imperfections. Other women do realize it takes someone special to rise above the drama and nonsense in this world, stay focused and show one's best possible self with dignity, and often it is far easier for them to critique others than it is to change themselves.

For anyone that has been labeled 'snooty' my advice is to continue to do what you do best-rise above and continue to surround yourself with only people who love you, respect you, celebrate you and are positive influences in your life. You cannot change someone's opinion of you but you can lead by example by continuing to be gracious and warm. In this world we will never please everyone, so we can only be the best possible version of ourselves.  :)


Has anyone ever received this type of label simply by being your classy self? How did you feel or respond?

Thanks for reading!



  1. I just stumbled on your blog after you commented on a Young House Love post. I wanted to say in regards to being perceived as snooty, my grandmother always said the best way to be classy is to be gracious- make people feel comfortable and at ease around you. This might mean not overdressing or wearing obviously expensive clothing (i.e. purses with labes, etc.) to inappropriate events or talking to someone on their level (including reflecting their language back at them. I have a mentally retarded aunt, and when she was having a lump in her breast biopsied, she asked the doctor, "So, you have to cut open my titty?" Without blinking, the doctor changed her language and said, "Yes, we'll be making a small cut in your titty...." It was such a kind thing to do to explain a difficult situation to someone who is less capable of understanding it than most people).

  2. Thank you for your comment and for stopping by to visit my blog. :)

    I couldn't agree more with what you wrote about being gracious and making people feel comfortable around you. People need to feel at ease around you, not as though they're walking on eggshells.

    I too believe that there are times and events in life that call for leaving the 'labels' at home. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a nice handbag etc., but wearing one while volunteering at say a soup kitchen probably wouldn't be helpful in any way and could alienate others.

    It is important to be kind, relatable and to treat others as you would want to be teated. It is never okay to speak down to someone else. We are all on the same level, nobody is above anyone else in this life. Having money most certainly does not make for a classy woman, it is internal beauty that counts.

  3. You are right about, having money does not make for a classy woman! I work at a fashion house and some employees who dress designer labels, makes them think they're above all other's! they even give me lewd looks sometimes because i dress with what i can afford. They are all jealous of each other, I want no part of that because to me they are shallow!! and being shallow is not classy!
    I just discovered you yesterday and i'm loving everything about your posts! You're very inspiring to me.

  4. I Just found your blog via The Simply Luxurious Life.
    I have always been judged as snooty while I have often considered myself a geek and full of insecurities (even today at 40)!
    I do revel in beautiful things. Be it clothes, home decor, art, nature, people...Whether I can own it or not I try to make it a part of me by reading/learning about it, looking at it, dreaming it.
    I seem to have a knack for putting together interesting and 'you look like a million dollar' outfits even with thrifted items. I mix high end with low end and I am not too good for Goodwill...yet people consider me a snob because of my meticulousness in dressing. For me it's a game.
    Also, I grew up in Europe and I think that makes me different and some people in the US are 'turned off' by that. I feel that too much 'culture' scares people off sometimes and as you said it makes them feel inadequate or envious.

  5. I too am in my early 40's and have been excluded my entire life because of my natural femininity and elegance. It hasn't been easy and I have often been labelled a snob, or someone trying to be something I am not. (That label hurt me the most). "A would be if I could be" was what I was always labelled, my ex husband almost made me believe it. No matter what everyone tries to tell you, never ever give up on who you really are. I was always told that you should never be well dressed and show elegance unless you had money and a lot of it! I know that is not true now and I really believe it. What a journey.......

  6. I can't believe these comments. It's unbelievable to me that anyone would be judged snooty because they exude elegance! Of course, I suppose you have to look at where it's coming from - anyone who is crude, tactless etc. would, of course, feel that someone who shows style and class, is snooty. I, myself, prefer to emulate the Grace Kelly's of this world and welcome knowing anyone who can help me become the person I want to be.

  7. What a shame that the people you all have encountered are so silly. I myself would prefer to be in the company of someone I would want to emulate rather than one who is crude. I wouldn't worry what anyone thinks of you - if you are proud of who you are, that's the most important thing.

  8. I recently had a related experience. Someone I've met only a few times was worried that I might be snobbish (at an upcoming event) but after we became acquainted and talked for a while she told my husband that I was the exact opposite. (I'm not sure why she thought I might be snobby - perhaps because I always try to look my best, wear makeup, etc.) I try to treat everyone with respect and try to be as friendly and approachable as possible. I ask people about themselves and what is going on in their lives and I try not to focus on myself. My advice is: be yourself but always be kind and thoughtful. Thanks for the great blog - I'm 62 and still learning how to be a classy lady - it's never too late!


Thanks for stopping by, your comments make my day! I read every single one and will answer any questions you have. I hope you'll visit again soon! :)


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